Are you a high-achiever or an over-achiever?
You know that person....they have it all together - always! They are smart, confident, motivated, they win awards, they make stuff happen, they are successful... you get the picture. A high-achiever or an overachiever?
I’m guessing you didn’t even know there is a difference!
So what is the difference?
High achievers
Tend to:
Set realistic goals and focus on accomplishing them
Take ownership of their goals
Show up as competent, self-aware and, emotionally intelligent
Utilise failure as fuel for learning and growth
Play to their strengths.
In other words, they tend to do well, in the right way, at the right time, and in a way that’s comfortable for them.
Overachievers on the other hand
Tend to:
Set unrealistic expectations for themselves (which then lead to imposter syndrome).
Push themselves in ways that are uncomfortable till they burn out
Go beyond their own boundaries – not just into the stretch zone, but into the anxiety zone
Be less focused on success and more focused on avoiding bad outcomes
Find it very hard to say "no"
Continuously look forward to potential problems that are coming their way
Work long hours and leave very little room for themselves to recharge
Find it very hard to delegate
Be perfectionists
High achievers and overachievers might look very similar on the external, but the difference is in the internal.
Overachievement is often a sign of suffering
Underneath overachievement, there are usually unconscious drivers. For example:
A need to constantly prove their worth, never feeling like they’re ‘enough’
A sense that everything has to be perfect in order to be ok
Unconscious old stories such as feeling unimportant, invisible, small or insignificant, and compensating for this with over-achievement, like trying to fill in the potholes of self-worth with empty achievements.
Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and bestselling author who has studied shame and vulnerability, says perfectionism is nothing more than a form of armor we use to protect ourselves from being judged. "We struggle with perfectionism in areas where we feel most vulnerable to shame".
Perfectionism is "a way of thinking that says this: 'If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule. "It is the 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt," Brown says.
So, if you’re on the wrong side of achievement and find you are an overachiever, this is what you could do:
Learn to say NO
Focus on who you are, not what you do
Be the authentic you
Watch out for self-sabotage
Resist the temptation to redo others’ work
Schedule time to learn habits that give you balance in life
Seek feedback from others on what you do well and what you can improve
Get a mentor
Achievement in itself can be satisfying, motivating, challenging and full of positives. There’s nothing wrong with achievement! But if the need to achieve is driven by negatives, the end result could look like; burnout, exhaustion, loss of purpose and meaning, broken relationships, a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness, health issues, and so on.
If how much you achieve determines the view of who you are, how happy you allow yourself to be, or the way you judge others, it is damaging more than useful.
Being more resilient gives you the fuel to move past the trap of perfectionism and overachieving.
